How Expat Parents Can Advocate for Change

Recently, a very serious allegation was made against a teacher at my children’s school, and it became clear that some individuals made a decision to prioritize the educational needs of a few over the safety needs of everyone. This situation left me feeling unsettled and angry. It raised significant questions about how decisions are made and who is really being protected.

As a social worker, I’ve had my share of experiences advocating for others, but that doesn’t mean I’m immune to strong emotions. I lost my cool during this ordeal. That’s okay; it happens to the best of us. What’s important is to take a moment to reflect and figure out why this situation is causing such a visceral response. What values are being threatened? What are we really feeling when confronted with issues that affect our community?

Another frustrating aspect of this experience is the tendency towards institutional gaslighting. It's disheartening when those in power imply that we’re overreacting or that our concerns are unfounded. This kind of invalidation can make you doubt your feelings and the reality of the situation. But our emotions are real, and they matter. We have every right to demand accountability and clarity when it comes to our children’s safety.

If you find yourself in a similar position as an expat parent trying to advocate for your child or community and feeling confused and unsure of how to act, here are some insights on how to organize and advocate effectively as an expat.

First, ground yourself in what you feel. Pay attention to your reactions and the values that are being challenged. Is it about safety? Fairness? Transparency? Understanding these roots will help guide your actions moving forward.

Next, educate yourself on the structure around the issue. Who holds decision-making power? This might include the school administration, a board, parent representatives, or external organizations like the AEFE. Knowing the hierarchy is crucial for directing your questions and focusing your advocacy efforts.

Connect with other parents. Start simple—ask how they feel about the situation and gauge their concerns. Many might be experiencing similar frustrations, and when you come together, that collective voice is much louder than any individual speaking alone.

Once you’ve gathered a few parents who share your concerns, organize your efforts. This doesn’t have to be formal; a simple group chat can work wonders. Share experiences, compile questions, and determine what specific actions you want to take. Make sure the focus remains on shared values instead of personal critiques.

When you're ready to engage with school leadership, be clear and direct about your concerns. Request transparency and accountability regarding the decisions being made. Ask for meeting minutes, written clarifications, or a public forum for discussing these issues. There’s power in a calm, respectful tone; you’re advocating for everyone rather than attacking individuals.

Don’t forget to document everything. Keep records of emails, conversations, and any decisions made regarding the situation. Not only does this protect you, but it sets a precedent for accountability within the institution. If conversations take a vague turn, having documented facts supports your position. As I was taught in my early training to be a social worker "If you didn't document, it didn't happen".

Understand that speaking up as an expatriate can feel daunting. You might worry about overstepping cultural boundaries or triggering backlash. But remember, your voice counts just as much as anyone else’s when it comes to your children’s safety and well-being.

Advocacy doesn’t have to be confrontational; it can be a collaborative effort toward positive change. By asking tough questions and encouraging transparency, you’re helping to foster a culture of trust that benefits everyone.

If you find yourself in a situation that doesn’t sit right, it’s okay to acknowledge how you feel. Take a step back, reflect on those emotions, and talk to others about them. You don’t need to have all the answers before you begin advocating. You just need to care enough to speak up.

Your voice matters. Even as a guest, you have the power to make your community stronger. This is how change begins—one conversation, one organized effort, and one act of courage at a time.